I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
