Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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