My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
