Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
