You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
