If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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