I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You are the jesus of drinking
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
