So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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