oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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