Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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