she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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