Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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