It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
