omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize