my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
