She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
