the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
