Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
