Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
