Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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