I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are a genius and a whore.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
