look no pants
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
