Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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