Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
