Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
