I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
