I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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