i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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