saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
