Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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