I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
