I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
