I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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