Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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