What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
