Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
