Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
