Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
