I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
