3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
