we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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