Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
