i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
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I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
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my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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