apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
