It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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