He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
