So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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