Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
