Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
