i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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