Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
