We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
