I am spending my child support on dildos
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
