No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
