Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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