We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
