My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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