He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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