Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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