you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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